EASY RETURNS

Louie, Brenda, and Rog, along with Holly the Husky who is by far the friendliest of the six ranch dogs and a regular meeting attendee, discuss business in the home office of their horseback riding outfit. The office is a small and cluttered room on the top floor of the house but the view of the northern California coast out the large picture window is second only to the master bedroom. Meetings can sometimes take much longer than anticipated because those attending get lost staring at the crashing waves five-hundred feet below.

“Earth to Brens? Hello?” Louie snaps his fingers to get Brenda's attention. Holly’s ears perk up.

“Wha… oh, sorry hon. I was lost in muh thoughts.” She explains.

Louie turns to Rog, “How’d he manage to track you down? He know you livin’ up here with us now?” Louie is understandably concerned. This is the first time he has heard of Easy, the Outlaw Biker and his connection to the infamous Blackard Horse and Cattle Ranch.

“He doesn’t know where I am. Nobody does.” Rog explains, “I keep a secret PO Box in Walnut Creek. I use it to stay in touch with certain people. Like Dana and mom. I sent Easy a few postcards over the years, you know, just to let him know I was okay. The DoC moved him around so much that I was never sure if he got any of them. Apparently, he got at least one because he has the PO Box. But nothing else.”

“So, he’s never bothered to write you before now?” Brenda asks.

“No. Never.” Rog says, “But that’s Easy. I never expected him to.”

“I’m curious about something…” Louie wonders, “Knowing, firsthand, how paranoid you are, how do you go about getting your mail from Walnut Creek? It’s what? An eight-hour drive one way?”

"Simple. I call them up and have them forward it general delivery to which ever post office I want. Since coming here… what’s it been? Two years now? Every few months I have it sent to one of the little towns up and down highway 101. But never the same town twice. This last batch went to Willits.”

“See?” Louie says to Brenda, “This is why we pay my man the big bucks.”

“I'm supposed to be getting paid?” Rog jokes.

“Lemme get this straight,” Louie continues, “Dana, sweet little Dana, your sister, married an outlaw biker who then murdered someone in a bar fight right in front of y'all but somehow or other got out of prison and now this hell’s angel axe murderer wants to have lunch?” Louie asks.

“He didn’t use an axe. He punched the guy.” Rog explains.

“One punch?” Brenda asks

“Yes. He hits hard. And he’s not a Hell’s Angel. He knows them and they know him but he’s not one.”

“But now he’s a free man?” Brenda clarifies.

“Yes. I don’t know the details. But evidently, he won his appeal. He got out about two months ago. I just found all this out this morning when I picked up my mail.”

“I was wondering where you got off to so early this morning.” Brenda chimes, “I worry when you take off like that.”

“Why? What is there to worry about?” Rog asks.

“Never seeing you again.” Brenda admits.

Louie changes the subject. He knows how Brenda feels about Rog, what they did all those years ago, breaking taboos. “Okay, so moving right along… you say he sent you a letter?”

“Yes. There was a letter from him in the batch this morning. And a phone number. So, I gave him a call. He’s staying with friends in Sacramento.”

“Sacto? We’re going out Davis way next week, don’t forget” Louie says.

“I know,” Rog replies, “That’s why I’m bringing it up. I’d like to meet up with him while we’re there, introduce you guys. I’m thinking he might be a good asset to bring to the team.”

“Does he know what we do?”

“He knows we give horseback rides, yes.”

“But does he know what we do?”

“Not exactly. I didn’t want to say anything over the phone, you know. That’s why I want to meet with him in person. Introduce you all. If there’s chemistry, then maybe brainstorm how we can integrate Easy with his various skills into our operations.”

“Does he know anything about horses?”

“He knows everything about motorcycles.”

“Does he know anything about growing marijuana?”

“I don’t know. I doubt it. But he’s extremely intelligent, very big and ugly, and the most personable guy you’ll ever meet. Unless prison ruined him. But I doubt that. More likely, he ruined prison.”

“Well, I say we give it a try. I mean, meeting him can’t hurt, right?” Brenda says.

“Seems fishy to me. Danger Will Robinson!” Louie waves his arms around like Robot from “Lost in Space”. He is still a bit apprehensive. They all sit in silence for a few moments thinking this through. Even Holly seems to be in deep thought. Finally, Louie speaks up,

“Well, if Rog is vouching for him then I concur. Let’s meet this big ugly hombre. We can always use extra muscle around here, right?”

“Cool. Just remember, he’s been locked up for a long time for something he didn’t really do. I mean, yes, he did kill that guy. But no, he did not murder him. Anyway, I’ll let him know and set something up.”

ONE WEEK LATER…

Easy drives a 1971 Ford F250 Flatbed that he bought from an old friend with the money that the Department of Corrections gave him at his release. He pulls off Highway 80 into the UC Davis campus. After driving around in a few circles, he finally sees a sign that says Animal Science Barn. “Animal science? What the fuck is that?” he mutters to himself. He pulls in and immediately spots Rog. Surprisingly, his throat chokes up instantly. He almost starts to cry. He did not expect this overwhelming wave of emotion. “Must be getting old in my old age.” Easy parks his truck, wipes off his face and jumps out.

Rog, Louie, and Brenda stand next to their Jeep Cherokee in the gravel parking lot of the large stables at the UC Davis Animal Science campus. All around them are horse paddocks and all types of horses. Rog sees what can only be Easy’s truck pull up. Nobody but Easy would drive a Highboy that has been lowered and fitted with custom wheels and fat tires, not to mention the detailed pinstriping Easy did.

“Oh my gawd,” Brenda is a bit mesmerized, “that is truly the biggest hunk of a man I’ve ever seen. And he ain’t so ugly as y'all make him out to be. No sir. Not at all.”

The three of them meet Easy in the middle of the parking lot.

“You scientists now or something?” Easy jokes. He gives Rog a big bear hug.

“Goddamn good to see you, Rog.” The two of them hug tightly for a long while.

Brenda sees Rog choking back tears and it makes her start to sob. Louie gives her a look. “I can’t help it!” she explains, “it just so…. sweet!”

For the next hour, the four of them meander around the horses while Rog and Easy catch up. Brenda and Louie are fascinated to hear about how the Blackard Horse and Cattle ranch became a retreat for outlaw bikers after the two of them left.

“So,” Rog broaches the subject, “what are your plans, Easy? Do you know much about horses?”

Easy looks around like he is searching for someone. Then he sees what he is looking for, the most obscure type of horse in the bunch. “See that spotted gray mare over there…” he points at the mare, and everyone looks at it. Easy continues “…looks like an Orlov Trotter to me. But I might be wrong.”

Louie looks at Rog who looks at Brenda who looks at Louie who looks at Rog… They are all speechless until Louie says, “No, you’re right. That spotted gray mare is in fact an Orlov Trotter.”

“How did you know?” Rog asks.

“I had a lot of time on my hands. Thought if I learned everything I could about horses then maybe Dana would… you know… I dunno. It was a dumb idea, I guess. I heard she’s remarried.”

“Twice now,” Brenda tells him.

“Well, it wasn’t a total loss. Turns out, I like horses and now I’m an expert at horsemanship. Of course, I haven’t rode a horse since… well, since forever but I hear it’s like riding a bike. The same, but different.”

“Makes sense to me,” Brenda says.

“If he’s interested,” Louie says to Rog, “I’d say he’s hired.” Louie turns to Easy, “Just one thing we got to tell you about before you accept.” Louie says.

“Hired? You’re offering me a job? To do what?” Easy asks but then follows up with, “Hell, I don’t care what the job is. I’ll take it.”

THREE WEEKS LATER…,

Brenda, and Louie are at their favorite bar and grill, a place called “Sweet Springs Saloon”, eating hamburgers and drinking beers when Rog and Easy walk in to join them at their table. They order burgers and beers as well. Sweet Springs Saloon is a local favorite founded by a family that has lived in the area for five generations. It is located off the beaten path so tourists don’t know about it. Local people meet at the Sweet Spring Saloon often, it’s like a town square.

“How’d it go?” Louie asks. Earlier that day, Rog and Easy drove up the coast to pick up a fifth wheel for Easy to live in. Currently, he’s been staying in the house but he wants his own space, so he bought the RV.

“The damn thing had a flat when we got there but we found a spare and got it hauled to the house. Should only take a couple days to get it all fixed up and back into livable condition. Then we can haul it down to the edge of the property near the highway, and… home sweet home.” Easy reports.

“We scoped out the perfect spot under that grove of Monterey pines.” Rog adds.

“You know right there where those old sheds are? I think there’s a well there.”

“There is. But it needs a new pump.” Easy tells him.

“Okay, figure out exactly what we need to pump water at the spot and I’ll get it ordered. Don’t forget, we have a drop tomorrow night at sunset.” Brenda says.

“Yup, we’re all ready.”

At that moment, three Hispanic men, all over them in their 30’s, strut into the Sweet Springs Saloon.

“Lookey what the cat just dragged in.” Brenda says when she spots the trio.

“There goes the neighborhood… they were bound to find out about this place at some point” Louie chimes. It’s not that he and Brenda are prejudiced towards Hispanic people. They are tired of tolerating people like the trio, whom they refer to as Narcos, that just walked in. The Narcos have caused a lot of grief in the community since they showed up a few years earlier. They are funded and controlled by the Mexican drug cartels to smuggle in methamphetamine and sometimes crack which they sell mostly to locals but also to tourists. Plus, they compete with the local “farmers”. The tension is always high between the locals and the Narcos.

“Easy, what’s bugging you?” Rog noticed that Easy’s demeanor changed dramatically when the three Narcos entered.

Easy doesn’t respond. He just stares very intently at the Narcos as they sit down at a table across the bar.

“Don’t let them Narcos bother you, Easy.” Brenda tells him, “They don’t belong in here. This place is ours. But they got a right to be in here.”

“Those aren’t Narcos,” Easy says, “see those tats? Them fellas are Yoruban. Some evil muther-fuckers right there.”

“What is Yoruban?” Louie asks.

“It’s a type of voodoo religion,” Rog explains, "I ran into those devil religions a lot when... nevermind."

“With these guys, it's not a religion, it’s a cult. But these guys... walking in here like this. They know its a local establishment ran by the locals for the locals. This is an in-your-face message.” Easy tells them.

“What kind of message?” Louie asks.

“They’re taking over.” Easy says.

The three Narcos notice Easy scrutinizing them with angry intensity. And it makes them uppity. One of them, with intentionally exaggerated theatrics, pulls a folded baseball cap from his back pocket, unfolds it, puts it on his head, and gives Easy a shit-eaten grin.

“You got to be fucking kidding me,” Easy bolts up and his stools shoots out behind him.

“¡Haz tu movimiento, pequeño muchacho!”, one of the Narcos yells. The whole bar goes silent.

“Oh shit,” Brenda says quietly.

“What’d he say? What’d he say?” Louie asks anxiously.

Easy marches over to the Narcos table and with lightening speed he snatches the baseball cap off the Narco’s head. Everyone is surprised at how fast and bold he is. Then he casually returns to his table and takes a seat.

“What the fuck was that?” Rog asks. Easy shows everyone the cap. It is all black and has blood red number “81” on the front.

“The 81 stands for H A.” Easy explains, “H is the 8th letter in the alphabet, A is the 1st. 81. Only a member of the brotherhood is allowed to wear this.”

“How do you suppose they got it?” Rog wonders.

“The Yurobans and the Angels are in a forever war. Probably battle booty. But not no more.” Easy blatantly points directly at the Narco who was wearing the hat as all three of them stand to leave the bar, “That MUTHER FUCKER stole this hat and I TOOK IT BACK! Easy-fucking-peasy!”

Easy stands again. He and the three Narcos face off. “¡Pinche cabrón¡ Te arrepentirás de esto!” one of them shouts.

“What did that little fuck say?” Louie asks.

“Called Easy an asshole. Told him he’d regret this.” Brenda says.

Louie is normally a lover but is willing and ready to fight any time he must. He puffs up, “Oh! Bring it on you little fuckers! Bring it on!” Brenda takes Louie by the arm and sits him down.

The three Narcos storm out of the Sweet Springs Saloon feeling the blazing hot stare of Easy on their backs.

Louie buys everyone at the bar a drink to make amends for the whole drama.  They all hang out for a couple of hours having a good time. They call it a night before it gets too late and head back to the ranch for the evening. As soon as she and Louie pull up to the house in the Cherokee with Rog and Easy behind them in the flatbed, Brenda instantly notices that Holly is missing.

“Where is Holly?” she wonders out loud. They have six dogs and all of them are like their children but Holly is Brenda's favorite. She calls out “HOLLY!!!” Everybody calls out for Holly. The other dogs begin to howl. "Something's not right." Brenda is very worried.

         “She’s probably out hunting,” Louie says, “she’ll be back by morning.”

Brenda isn't buying that. She calls out a few more times. Throughout the night, she wakes up and looks outside but Holly doesn’t return.

After the Narcos left the Sweet Springs Saloon they went straight to Louie’s place. They snatched and hogtied the first dog that confronted them, Holly. They took her back to their place. They hung her up by her hind legs and filmed themselves slowly skinning her. They would drop the video off at the sign to Louie’s place in the morning. For now, they had fun with what they were doing. They laughed and hooted about it.

“Casi humano. Como un bebé.” They said. They thought it was funny the way the dog sounded.

Almost human.

Like an infant.

Brenda Rides Spicoli at Elephant Rock Cove